That pile of bits of paper that sits there for weeks because you can’t face dealing with it. This one is on the floor next to my bed. It’s been there for 3 weeks so far. Consists of some receipts, some drawings by 6yo boy, a letter from the bank that I can’t decide whether to keep or not, a used tissue
I’ve been out for dinner and the deep red marks on my waist are here to prove it. We had a meal too big. We had the sort of meal where halfway through you regret having eaten that bread at the beginning.
The sort of meal where you eat for 20 minutes after you’re full as you don’t want to waste food.
The sort of meal where you get uncontrollable yawns at the end.
The sort of meal where you want to curl up but you can’t because there’s too much tummy in the way. And you’d look weird.
The sort of meal where you’re not thinking about that food diary you’re supposed to be filling in.
The sort of meal where you can feel your makeup going crap half way through.
The sort of meal where you develop forehead and cheek sweat halfway through (which exacerbates the make up problem). The sort of meal where actually your makeup is now only on your neck and your tired lines are now all too visible around your eyes.
The sort of meal where you can no longer talk to each other because it just feels too much.
The sort of meal where you look at each other wondering which one of you is going to vomit on the way home.
The sort of meal where you just need to lie down and pull your trousers halfway down.
The sort of meal where you swear you’ll never eat again.
Zoo day. Nearly made it out without spending a second mortgage-worth in the gift shop. But then someone pushed a not awful picture of me, the kids and a gorilla at me and I’m suddenly all “here! take my credit card!” So there. I failed. And we have a £22 key ring. #hoveringclosetoinsanity
This is a picture of my pancake. That’s not a euphemism, it’s my actual pancake. The one I was craving and salivating for tonight after lovingly making pancakes for everyone else in the house. The pancake that got burnt because I was distracted for a few minutes trying to find Lego pieces under the kitchen table because 6yo boy just yanked open a Lego packet despite me telling him not to and which I hadn’t got time to play with because I was busy making (burning) pancakes. The pancake that was #notyummy. The pancake that is in the compost bin. The pancake that I’ve put two fingers up to and ordered a Thai take away instead.
A cheeky Thursday throwback to the pottying years and the flagrant misuse of Cadbury’s chocolate buttons…
“It’s been 3 months and the weeing on the floor hasn’t stopped. Neither has the occasional poo-poo on the carpet (why is it always on the carpet that they poo?? There’s a perfectly nice, wipe-cleanable wooden floor just over there!) We started off all eager and organised. Wall charts and coloured stickers for wee-wees, butterfly stickers for a poo-poo. But then they didn’t seem that bothered by the stickers and it cost me more energy trying to get them interested in the stickers than they were worth: they weren’t stopping them weeing themselves anyway. So we gave up on the stickers and just carried on with the positive encouragement. Well, most of the time. When your child jubilantly announces at the top of her voice “Wee wee!!” as she spreads her legs and sprays her wares everywhere and then gaily shouts out “Never mind!” when she’s done you start questioning whether you should at least show some sign of annoyance. The other day“…
The next time I suggest going to Whipsnade Zoo in sub-zero temperatures can someone hold up the ‘INSANE’ card please? Along with about 3 other people, we battled through horizontal sleet trying to catch a glimpse of a cheetah, tiger, elephant before taking a warm but very smelly respite in the hippo enclosure and then giving up on the outdoors, we tried to see every other animal from the confines of our very warm car.
I was surprised to see that River Cottage now have a restaurant there, selling very tasty but poncy fare way flashier than is required by your average zoo punter (a group of three blokes came in, looked at the menu, laughed and left). For my part, I made good use of my newly decided thick winter coat keeping it zipped up so I looked like Kenny from South Park. I then devoured a delicious beetroot based River Cottage lunch only to find hours and several conversations with strangers later that a large proportion of my face was still stained bright purple. Thanks goes to husberk for neither noticing nor alerting me.
As for the kids, they turned their noses up at the high class kids bread, houmous and veg sticks, deeming the rainbow carrots and other unusual root vegetables “not yummy”.#hoveringclosetoinsanity #makementalhealthgreatagain
Husbod’s at it again: prototyping a possible shelf location using a cardboard box so that we can ‘get a feel of where it will be’. This will stay there for about a month after which I will get to say the same thing as I’d say today: “It’s fine, let’s put the shelf up”.